| Stentorian. |
[29 Oct 2009|10:10pm] |
Here she goes again.
Another week spent trapped in this eating disorder. Another week of my mood entirely shooting downhill. Another week of not knowing how I'll feel from one minute to the next. Another day of pushing my perfect boyfriend just that much more away.
I can't stand myself right now.
But isn't this the very essence of any "great" LJ post? A sob story late at night about how much you hate yourself? Nobody wants to be alone in thier misery. So let's drink a cup of spiked tea to my sorrows. Woe is life.
Narcissism. Hmm.
Well, tomorrow le boy is going to hear an earful from me. I'm going to tell him each and every little nook stuck in this piled-high skeletor of a closet. Fuck trying to hide who I am. Fuck trying to to mask this obbsession I have with a "perfect" body. I have to eat sometime. All this working out...is overrated. Wouldn't it be just so much easier...to be honest? Wowzers!
Soooo, we have quote the fun stuff in the works on my front. Can't wait! WOO! We'll see what happens. We'll see if love happens...still.
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| Falling, falling. |
[20 Oct 2009|01:57am] |
Love. Love is all I see and hear. I'll be staring at an empty outlet, and Cam just pops into my head. And it's not the crazy, rollercoaster-like, kiddy caddy love that you find whilst hugging some d-bag in middle school; this is something solid and real...not something based on sex. For once in my life, I think I'm afraid of it. I think I'm afraid of forever. I think I'm afraid that he's old enough to be married in a few years and it making sense. I think I'm afraid that his last gf was an eight year commitment. Somehow, though, the "frightenedness" makes me absolutely adore everything about him even more. Yes, I'm terrified...but somehow it's wonderful. It's kind of a strange thing.
My weight has been consuming my brain more recently. The day I went from 95 lbs to 96...I nearly cried as I looked at myself in pure hatred and disgust. I can't remember it ever being this bad. I can't ever recall a time before where drinking half a cup of water was such a horrific, atrocious, terrible deed. I know it goes through phases, but it just progressively gets worse and worse. What's weird is that I love my body, but I want to hold onto it, ya know? I guess this is something a little shopping can temporarily relieve. :-/
Other than that, everything is great. Work is slowing down a bit now that fishing season is over, but we have the boat parade to look forward to now. Hectic times to come! I have several projects in the works. One of which is a BOOZE CRUISE. I'm coming up with the whole concept. I just need to finalize a few loose ends, and we'll be all set to run after Memorial. It's nice to feel important sometimes. :)
Here's to love! Cheers!
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| Camren. |
[22 Sep 2009|03:23pm] |
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 grateful |
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I haven't posted on here in quite sometime. Not too much is new besides the facts that I have a sexy BOYFRIEND, and I work out like a mofo. I'm pretty happy, and I feel healthy.
Things are exactly how I wanted them...and much greater! WOO.
Ciao.
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| Wonderful. |
[04 Sep 2009|09:40pm] |
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mood |
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loved |
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Today's theme was unexplained spider bites and my honey bear being out of town. All was not in vain, though! I had a very decent shower session...if you know what I mean! I have a bottle of wine on its way....tonight is going to be brilliant.
I managed to drag my lifeless, hungover body to see Taking Woodstock early today. It was grand. There is something to be said about seeing movies alone on your days off. I love it! The movie was decently entertaining. It kind of just brought about this wistful longing for the past. Those were the golden days...the days of crazy crazy and acid trips. There are no more of those to be had, but at least I have some pretty funny times to stories to share. The one criticism I will provide for the pruposes of "review" is that Woodstock really didn't showcase ANY musi...at all. I was slightly expecting to see some real, old footage at the very least...but I was lucky if I happened to catch a listen of some "important" song. Drag, man. Such a drag! But I liked it, nonetheless. You should see it.
Sooo, the Camster is in AZ. Which is fine. It's weird to find myself in this healthy relationship with someone. My best mentioned today that this was the first guy (that she could tell) that I love EVERYTHING about. Most of the time, I'll date X and Y and be like "Well, X is cool...but he's too short and might be gay" or "I went out with Y and he's super cute, but he talks way too fucking much." Sometimes I wonder if he's it for me. I'm still young, but he's the only guy thus far that I am actually "truly" committed to. Before, I would date guys whilse never really letting any of the "other guys" go. Messed up, but he's proven that there is someone out there for everyone. UGH!!! I love this!!!!!!!!!!!!
sO...yeah. Niiight!
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| He's wonderful. |
[22 Aug 2009|10:18am] |
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I found my match!
Try work at 4 AM after 10 rounds of beer pong, and one very steamy makeout session that left you all comatose. TOUGH. Good thing Saturday opening shifts aren't too strenuous. Basically I sell the boats out from 6 to 7, and then clean rods for a bit...followed by LJ time. :) You can only be so lucky, eh?
Soooo, Camren's friend kept alluding to coke last night. He was making the signals, and saying all the key code phrases and wordings. Finally, to not seem so "innocent", I told him I knew exactly what he was talking about. I am Camren's little butterfly- I do no wrong! Up until yesterday, Camren was hiding his occasional CIGARETTE habit from me (which was really cute, admittedly). There I was smoking a cigarette with his best friend discussing coke habits and how the law inevitably wins. I had seriousy been thinking about never telling Camren about anything from my past, but it's a big part of who I am today- love it or hate it...unfortunately. He was very surprised...and also very drunk. I hope today he doesn't wake up and think me a monster (I'm planning on him not remembering that little factiod...fat chance). I just don't want this to somehow change the dynamic of our fantastic duo, because that would sting.
Oh the webs we weave? We'll certainly find out.
Falling, falling. We just keep falling. :)
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[02 Aug 2009|08:04am] |
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mood |
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If you don't identify with any particular group slash culture, what does that make you?
Cotton waste?
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| shakin. makin. |
[01 Aug 2009|08:03pm] |
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mood |
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 mischievous |
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Now! Who'da thought that the cute boy I met at my work...would live 2 blocks away from me??!!?! It's very convenient )and super smiley face), but I just don't want to rush this one. His hair was a very special thing when I saw it last. I knew he was a gem right from the get go. Can't go running around messing up peoples' hair. Nope.
Sooo, what's new in the world of Ana? Besides messed up hair...? Hmm. Well! We signed a lease today! That is moderately to SEVERELY exciting news. Jeez...I can;t wait to go through a storage a unit the size of freakin EUROPA...rummaging through all my shyt. I say throw it all way! I've gone without all that crap for this long! Who needs a $6000 trumpet (too bad I don't do drugs anymore...that would have been awesome in my before life). I'll live about a mile away from Memphis bar...which just makes me beat. A whole new world is opening up- the joys of moving to a new city! You can't drink and drive tthhhaaaat far. C'mon. Gotta keep it localized. Fo sho.
Tonight I would very much like to journey to...LA LA LAND!!! Woo! I have work at 4 am...but I;m a rockstar. It's what I do.
Or, I'm just incredibly bored with life, and in dire craving of something different.
Party time, pop tarts. Shake it off.
Ciao.
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[30 Jul 2009|12:24am] |
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Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight when I break 95 pounds...freakin' I have to pass out. Figures. I will say! That since I've been eating a little the past few days and weight now 102...I am actually really happy. My boobs are semi-back, and I feel inner-confidence now. It's awesome. I thought I would feel like a fat ogre...but, no.
Kickboxing workouts are just spectacular. I reccommend doing them, too, if you;re as stressed out and agitated from work like me! :) One class boasts that they have you burn off 900 calories a class, but I think the number is meant to be higher! I almost burned of my ass and epidermal layer trying to keep up. You're in for a treat!
I know I said I would cut back on the spending...today was the only exception. I spent well over 400 bucks in the matter of an hour. If Metropark were to go out of business, THEN (and only then) will I'll start cutting back on the shopping. You should see what I bought...soo cute! How can you say no?!
But it doesn't matter to you, anywam.
And what is it we do in the dressing rooms? :)
Too tired to be creatively writering. I.just.don't.have.it.now.
That's stressful work for ya!
Ciao!
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[25 Jul 2009|10:15pm] |
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Stress.
I've decided! that on my next, glorious day off I'm going to venture into the woods, and go hiking. THERE'S something that I haven't done in a while. I need to free my mind of all this UGHness that the world of work and PEOPLE have created. I need to open my eyes and start seeing people for who they truly are. I give everyone too much credit...too much benefit of the doubt. Nobody is that special. Not even Darren.
Why dwell?
I'm starting to see how everything really spins and intertwines on this planet in this life. It's taken a while. But I think one gets to a point where thier confidence prevails...and suddenly they're a much stronger and smarter person. Now that I'm thin and wonderful, I have the balls to tell people NO THANKS. It makes me sad, but I know there are bigger and better things out there waiting.
I started designing clothes again. It's kind of fun. A year and a half ago when I started, my friends went bolts on my stuff. Admittedly, I was strung out at the time whilst making those clothes (a rather low yet very fun time of my life). My creativity was MAJOR roofage then, but all this "inner NESS" (ie turmoil) going on right now is just bubbling with hot newness. I have some pretty good, original ideas. I never said you said to like it.
Mini update. Woo!
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[20 Jul 2009|09:56am] |
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 lethargic |
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Hmm, I feel pretty "out of it" and it's actually kind of weird and moderately disturbing slash disrupting. I would imagine it has something to do with a lack-of-something going on inside of my tired body, but I reckon it will work it self out. I should probably cut back on the intensive running seshes and stuff. I feel like I nearly would have fainted today at the store. No bueno. But, I've had sinusitis for a while (even though I have nothing to show as the cause of it...no drug use...ziltch), so maybe all the stuff I have been taking for that mess is somehow making me feel rather run-down...and fatigued MAJOR. Oh, well. I'm thin, right?
Next subject? Boys.
The great part about dating many people is that I never allow myself the opportunity to sit there and obbsess about just ONE guy. If I'm constantly moving and seeing other people, it allows the the guy to be like, "Hey, wait a minute! Why is she not texting me all the time?? What's going on?" I'm already seeing my little plan of action succeed. And for this reason, I am the grand guru. Guy #1 is slowly trying. It's awesome.
Work is predicted to be yet another crappy-assed day...especially feeling all out of it and such. My plan is to actually close on time...screw the world and all customers thereafter. I put my freakin' foot down. Woo!
Hoky. Have a great day. :)
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[18 Jul 2009|08:54am] |
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Man! What a fussy, chaotic week it has been! Even with two days off, I'm still about ready to shoot myself...in the face. I love my nose, so I'll aim for my forehead.
Work is crazy! This kind of flow here is to be expected- this is a fishing place, and it is summer. What tends to get me is that we always have two people closing, but one leaves 2 hours earlier. THOSE TWO HOURS ARE CRITICAL. That's when allllll of everyone's shyt hits the fan, and soon you find yourself ducking from all this crap being passed around in more ways than one. Here I am, little 'ol me, answering multiple phone lines, dealing with people and thier dayam tackle questions, sending overnight boats out, pleasing a boss (not sexually, thank you), and cleaning rod rentals. It's DEATH in a store that very well may be a box. A smelly squid box. Mm...sounds soooo inviting. Haha. But I did get a bonus...the first of many to come. Thank you.
My two days off were primarily focused on de-stressing this lifeless, lethargic being of mine, but it was to little avail. I did manage to get a haircut and pedicure...and I fell asleep during BOTH. Didn't help that the pedicure place was playing a Yanni DVD for us fellow patrons.And they didn't talk shyt either. That's a surprising first. Like a raping a virgin. Word.
Soooo, Thursday night I went out with my friend, Matt. He's freakin' awesome. If I ever were to fall in love again...he would be the one. He's a gothic-esque, scenster, gorgeous, college graduate, sexy, self-made, girthy, black-haired 26 year old lover man. Swoon. We go a ways back, so we're actually quite comfortable with each other, chemistry is there, and we're pretty good friends. And somehow I get the feeling that I may have him wrapped around my finger...but I will encroach slowly...with caution.
Thursday night out with Matt was sooo funny. We went to Sharkeez, and tried to pick up on these deaf girls, and see if we could get one home with us. We were curious if one of them swang that way....and what noises they might make in bed. Haha. It's not a cruel world I live in...just honest.
Sooo...I'm going to Vegas with the Dana Wharf Sportfishing people. Who said you can't party with your work's competition?? Just fabulous.
Ohhhkay. Workdom boredom FIN.
Take it easy. :)
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| uhm... |
[14 Jul 2009|09:51am] |
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music |
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Casiotone for the Painfully Alone |
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Am I required to love my grandmother?
If that's the case, where's the pistol?
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[12 Jul 2009|04:47pm] |
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mood |
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Wow. Weird Ex finding me on here since I won't contact him otherwise....CREEPSTER.
Yeah, you can continue to read, JEFF. But please never contact me again. No hard feelings, but you're just somebody that I used to know. I've grown up a lot, and I decided to leave you behind. Can you respect that?
ANYWAY, moving on!
Remember how I mentioned I had a Christina Ricci-like paleness slash wonderfulness? WRONG. As of today, I look moderately ethiopian with a slight tinge of RED. Oh, it's all glamorous and awesomeous...until you see my red ASS line. But I always kind of thought Lucifer was my middle name anyway. Plus! My new bikini is all sorts of awesomeness on me. And if I sound conceited, it's because I am. For once in my low-self-esteemed life, I LOVE my body and being...all of it. This is the result of hard working out and eating right...not the usual eating disordered catastrophy that I always used to fall suspect to...nor drugs.
I want to seeeee the firefighter again, but he's working. I can hardly contain myself. I can't remember feeling THIS excited about just one person...well, since I met Drew on our dorm floor when I was stupid and eighteen. And even if things amount to nothing, I'm fine with that...I have four other guys in the wing. I'm twenty-three, baby. No time to get serious. Not yet, anyway.
Work has been hellish, but fun. There's something to be said about being "needed." Abd with my two dollar raise showing in this week's next paycheck...I.should.be.golden.
but tonight...it's fishing for me.
Woo!
Ciao!
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| The Firefighter. |
[09 Jul 2009|07:13am] |
Fervid. What a very appropriate Word of the Day!
Heated. Glowing. Intensely hot.
THAT would be my night last night! And right when I thought things were getting so stagnant and stale...BAM! The one I never took seriously slips back in...and again...and again...and again. ;)
Who is this mysterious, mystical creature lurking in thin air? This magical man is a firefighter. While I know there to be a certain stigma attached to that profession (womanizers, cheaters, etc), this guy just reeks of awesomeness...times five hundred and ten...plus one orgasm. Can I say I am surprised? We'll see.
Work was (is) beginning to become a burden. I know, I know- work should be a burden, right? Who likes work? But to tell you the truth, I would rather be some bumful crack addict digging up worms just to make a meal...and at least I'd be on crack. But anyways, I finally got my beloved day off (my next one will be stolen by a day at traffic school....kill me) so I went bikini shopping and headed straight to the beach.
The firefighter is an old sex buddy. The thing wih him is that it was never just sex . It was crazy, mind-altering, spontaneous, WONDERFUL, sometimes public sex (church is a notch on our belt). But circumstances, jobs, and people all got in the way. The vision of us was simply turned into an occasional text conversation, and not a whole lot more...until yesterday.
In a nutshell...
Firefighter meets me at the beach. We're clicking and everything is great...I look awesome...he looks awesome...my hair is wonderful...he is ripped. *Note* If you close your eyes while people are playing volleyball...it sounds like they're getting it on. Anyway! So, we leave. Done with the beach after a few hours. Then within an hour, he asks if I want to go to dinner. You see, we never did dinner dates and stuff like that before, so it was strangely nice. Isn't that what every girl wants? To be asked on a dinner date where they know going into it they're not going to eat? sO, He takes us to a cozy Italian place and orders us (in all it's pretentious glory and valor) wine. That's great. He's great. My hair is still looking great through the window reflection. Then! Cutest dinner date ever is followed by a cozy pub and closeness. The chemistry is sparks everywhere all over us and just melting onto the bar seats. We grab some beers, go back to his place, and proceed to have two hours of music ADD merriment. Turns out, we like the same music even though he's markedly older than me. He's 30. I start to grope him...and the rest is fireworks and dodger dog. Just awesome. He wants me to stay the night. Hmm.
Now I'm stuck with those warm and fucking fuzzyshytuzzies. But we'll see how long those last.
I was invited to go limo status with a group on Saturday to a couple shows- Mickey Avalon here in Irvine followed by Rise Against at the Forum. I know I know...GAY. But, look at it my way- VIP, free drinks, all you can do drugs (that I will not partake in), and a fun crowd. I know thier booking agent, and was recently talking with him. A job he offered me is still good (as an asst.). I think I may take him up on the offer just to escape this hellish OC bubble. Word. So! This trip is actually going to be me networking. And I have work at 4:45 AM the next day. Awesome.
Done rambling.
Ciao!
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[02 Jul 2009|02:58pm] |
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A vampire. I have established today whilst laundrying that I am (indeed) a vampire. Evidence is as follows...
Exhibit A: I have black hair, and I'm Christina Ricci-like pale...which I like.
Exhibit B: I haven't had sex (while there's no real correlation, I just thought I'd throw that out there).
Exhibit C: I like black (sorry, but I can not say I have jungle fever...unless we're talking about primetime deion...man was everything to me...when i was 9).
Exhibit D: I am SUCH a bitch lately that sometimes I do have the urge to bite people...and things. muah-ha-ha
Exhibit E: I look terribly thin and wonderful.
It's going to be a good day.
So! Last night I had the honors of going out with that poor, afflicted soul that let me go just two weeks prior because I didn't want a relationship. I still don't. Do these people expect me to change into some desperately weak woman who somehow needs them (even though she has a showerhead of her own)??? I don't think so. I'm a player, baby. If you want to stick around, learn that you're never the only one. I mean, I am a Gemini. Come on.
So, anyways! I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I always leave these guys hanging on to feel better about myself. Notice how you're in control when you're the one who likes the other less. He's such a great guy, too. Back to the gemini thing, I need several guys during a particular period. It keeps things interesting, fun, and not boring. I seem to have more respect for the people I never got too serious with. Maybe because a friendship builds over the time you date? Who knows. Who cares. I'm hungover and rambling. But I guess I'm just still in love with my gay ex. Maybe not in love in love, but I love him. No one will ever be him.
So fucking GIRL. AHH!
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| dehydrate yourself, iwo. |
[28 Jun 2009|09:27am] |
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Coworker:"So what are you up to Ana?"
Me: "Dehydrating myself."
Dehydration!! Dehydrate yourself. I'm a horrible human being who knows of nothing healthy or medically "right"----->dehydration has been my best friend! And in such a dim and horribly bleak world, seeing those numbers on the scale way down makes me terribly happy (of course, more in that sort of sick, perfectionistic, evil way). But, hey, at least I am not fat.
So! In lieu of "spending intervention" the other day, I've actually done pretty well for myself. My first goal to tackle was cutting out all my spending that was NOT on clothing (i.e. food, bars). Surprisingly, I have managed to save quite a bit of money (enough to buy those jeans I was looking at...PLUS a pair of sandals...haha...jk...I'm not...but I won't buy them...maybe...maybe not...nope...not going to....ok. there). But it's so amazing to really see how all the little things add up. The chai here and salad there literally is half my pay check. Not to mention alcohol! If you go out one night...you're easily spending anywhere between 30 to 100 dollars. And it's just not worth any of it. Needless spending. To think I could have saved all that money for another pair of boots, makeup, or fragrance. UUGHH. So wasteful. Indeed.
but the times they are a changin'.
d-e-h-y-d-r-a-t-e.
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| I'll take the Lorena Bobbit Special, please! |
[23 Jun 2009|11:05pm] |
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Today is the 23rd? Jeezuuuuus. That's the problem of days off- everything just blends into one giant BLOB of margarita-inspired hangover HELL.
At least I went serious shopping. So all was not in vain. Correcto.
The morning started off with me waking up next to one of the dudes I've been dating (not too interested in anything with him at this juncture). When I roll over, I realize that the lads still asleep. I'm panicing! I'm thinking, "Fuck! I don't want to have sex with him!" So I try to lay there quietly and act like I'm not freaking out inside trying to teletransfuckingport out of this UGH scenario, but he wakes up! The fucker wakes up! I'm dreading the inevitable. I'm sweating. I'm screaming in my mind..aaahhhhhhhhhhhh!! And before I could even think, there he was...on top of me like a fucking monkey with a banana....licking, and peeling, and making weird mm sounds. EW. Every single time he went to kiss me, I laughed and half cringed. It was terrible. I think I said no like 12 times. I could give a fuck about your fucking morning wood. Have you heard of Lorena Bobbit? Fucking get me a knife for this UGHimal.
Yeah, um, Sex when you're not feeling it? Disgusting. My own needs can be met in the shower. I suggest you do the same. Thank you very much.
But anyways. EW.
So! Apparently I have a spending problem. I always have really, but this time a mini "intervention" was staged. I've toned down so much, but, of course the world doesn;t see that. And it's not so much the spending part of it, because my money is my money...it's the obbsession jig a jig of it. The "obsession" concern is something that I can def understand, because I've been wondering about that myself. For instance, I HAD to get this pair of boots. They were just awesome- to the knees, flat, with the buckles, sexy, awesome, orgasmical, sagan wormhole status. I tried them on, but I had spent most of my money earlier that day, so I couldn't get them (had to be semi responsible). So I sold some yay RELIGIOUSLY for a couple days to get these incredibly expensive boots. That whole time, I couldn't eat, think, sleep, masturbate...NOTHING! My friends had to tell me to shut up about these spectaculars, too. I think I even had hot flashes. An addiction they were (see, even yoda knows bout them).
When I finally got them, you could not get them off me. I almost cried eveytime I looked at them. It was magical. It.was.love.
And I wonder why I have no friends. Haha.
Sooo...I'm going to tone it down. Not too down, but down. Quasi-down. Like making out with a treasure trail down.
But, anywam!
Night! Ciao.
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[21 Jun 2009|08:57pm] |
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My ex.
THE one.
Ugh. Sooo...Drew's birthday (my GORGEOUS, bisexual, New Yorking ex) was three days prior to mine. Every year, even though we rarely ever talk these days, it's customary that we call one another at midnight of our birthday's. He called me before I called him on his birthday...and the HORRIBLE began. He proclaimed that he missed me, and wanted me to move to New York to be with him. I laughed. I knew it was just another one of this lonely games he plays just to reassure himself that there is at least one other ailing soul out there that actually cares about his snobby, selfish, yet RIDICULOUSLY attractive self.
Three hours later, I fell for it. Fell for it all.
But I should have known that it was just an act. His words were only meant to ensure he had some form of company on his birthday. Quite frankly, if he would have been near a rotting, onion bagel...he would have surely been talking to it instead and trying to put his Jewish lox all over it. But the only thing as pathetic as that, would be me. His lox has been spread. But now all I can feel is the whole that is my bagel-like being. Por qua?
He didn't call me on my birthday.
WHY does he still bother me? It's like he knows exactly what buttons to push to make me his again...even with his ambiguous sexual orientation. HE is the reason I will forever be single. Drew sucked the very life (in terms of love) out of me...and he's STILL sucking...TO THIS DAY (maybe even sucking a penis, too).
Now I'm going to see Away We Go...alone. This.is.my.life.
ciao.
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[17 Jun 2009|10:43pm] |
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annoyed |
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Things could be worse; I could be 24.
Yesterday was my birthday. That pretty much equalled me realizing how little of friends I do have. I'm not depressed about it, but a light bulb flashed. I fucked up. I was young, naive, crazy, drugged out, and an elitist mess. Here I am today still picking up the pieces, and trying to tell people that I'm not all that scary afterall. But I do find it funny that any other drug is considered "funny" or whatever, but become a coke dealer...and a satanic, judgmental wave crashes down on you. And, really, there is no way to get yourself out of it. People are people. They will always pick and dissect you trying to find just ONE bad thing in your being to make themselves feel better about thier own craptacular, scraping-by lives. But I've always loved to be that black sheep. I've always loved the thrill of people staring at me in curiosity from across the room.
Only it's not as fun this time...because I am really doing nothing wrong. If drinking too much caffiene openly makes me somewhat risque, so be it. I wanted to shock people for so long, that now I want to just freakin' shock them with normalcy. But the truth of the matter is, I am no fun in normalcy. I'm an orgasm-less emobot with a meaningless push and a weak shove.
aaaand this is where shopping enters the equation. Thank gawd. :)
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| Zucchini. |
[15 Jun 2009|03:06pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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Captain Bob gave me a zucchini today from some his mystical garden. Slying smiling, he told me it was all natural.
The zucchini itself was rather vulgar looking, and it wasn't just me who thought so (apparently I work with a bunch of freaks). For about 2 minutes, though, I contemplated all the "uses" of such a handy-sized zucchini. I soon realized how pathetic my life become- Produce? Really, Ana? Wow. My life sucks.
The problem is that I let people get to me too much for kosher standards. The guy that I'm "with" (VERY vague term...as I keep saying no to being his gf) doesn't please me enough. The guy that I want...is a two minute UNwonder. If only I could combine them...like the perfect blend of mac, bi-colored blush. One side is this, the other that. Perfect when applied together. Love that. But you always like what you can't have. So I need to learn to stop beating myself up and letting all this get to me. People are not that important. Two minute un-wonder-man is a hedonistic, emo, fasion diva at heart...with no time for something more serious with you...be it an actual relationship...or more meaningful sex on his behalf.
But why can't I just move on?
Well, tomorrow is the B-I-G 2 3!!! WOOOO...not. Poeple always say 27 is the depressed, quarter-life crisis age (although! I really hope it's MIDlife for me...i never want to grow to see the elderly through thier withering away eyes)...but 23 is hitting me hard. It doesn't even sound good at all. It just comes off as old and unimportant. Twenty-three? Ugh.
Open mic is tonight, and I'm thinking about playing. Ukulele...meets DEATH metal. Can't wait. It's a new genre entitled GO FUCK YOURSELF. Spike my chai. It's going to be a long, blissful evening.
Old and senile already. Jeezus.
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oliverpeoples's journal